I just returned from my parents' home. I celebrated Christmas with my parents and my brother. Now I feel quite sad and depressed 😔 Reason is that I don't have any emotional relationship with them. We're like strangers. We don't have any interests in common. This has been my whole childhood and it hasn't improved until now. When people tell about spending happy times with their families, I could cry... 😢 During the last three days, every member of my family spent as much time as possible alone. When we had lunch together, we had to search for conversation topics and only had smalltalk. My parents are very critical and pessimistic. They never gave any emotional support or hugs. They tried to control every part of my life. Anxiety in many forms has always been a part of my life, but I could never tell anybody of my family. I always had to handle it on my own. I suffered from eating disorders and self-injury and had to overcome without any help. I couldn't tell any of my friends either, as I felt so alone and ashamed. Sometimes, I don't feel any love for my family and try to avoid spending too much time with them. I feel ashamed of my thoughts and my behaviour, but it is as it is. Now I've been living in my own flat for some years and love my life. I still struggle with anxiety sometimes, but I can handle it with my therapist and my friends. I am envious for people who have good relationships with their families and love them. I know that my parents didn't get emotional support from their parents either. But I cannot suppress my sadness sometimes, like now. This post is perhaps a bit confusing and uncomprehensable, but I cannot find other words right now 😖

Posted by dorii_pa at 2019-12-26 17:00:20 UTC